It’s the middle of November (already; when did this even happen?), which means that, blog-wise, it’s time for me to offer my mid-month R-E-P-O-R-T. But, sheesh. What a downer of a “report” it was turning out to be . . . with R standing for Reeling, E standing for Emotionally-Bereft-About, P standing for Pissed-Off-Over, etc.
Me.
Whining.
Not what any of us needs right now.
So I challenged myself to dig a little deeper and offer a different R-E-P-O-R-T. Here’s what I came up with:
At mid-month, I’m . . .
R . . . eeling.
Yeah. I kept that one in, because when it comes right down to it, I am reeling. But. I’m also beginning to find some solid ground under my feet. I guess you could say that . . . I’m still standing, but I’m also a little wobbly. Turns out the ground under my feet is less even and much more rocky than I’m comfortable with, so I’ll be sure to watch my footing extra carefully for a while.
E . . . nduring.
I am a resilient person. I’ve put up with a lot of . . . crap and plenty of disappointment in my 65 years, and I’m sure I’ll put up with yet more. Still, I persist. Still, I endure. And I plan to continue enduring.
P . . . ermitting.
I’m permitting myself time to rest. I feel really tired every day. Tom tells me I’m like this every year after the time change, as I adjust to the darkness of winter. He’s probably right. (And he just got me a SAD lamp. We’ll see how that works out.) But I think it’s particularly important right now . . . for me to rest and not feel bad about it.
O . . . ffering.
I am offering continued kindness and support for others, as needed. And when I am feeling a little less shaky – and as opportunities arise – I will offer my help in more concrete ways. I don’t have any notion of what that might look like, or what I can actually do to help, but I will keep my eyes (and my heart) open for opportunities to Do Something.
R . . . esigning.
Yes. This really is happening. As much as I kept one little flicker of hope in the dark recesses of my heart that it wasn’t, it is. I need to accept reality and resign myself to . . . whatever is coming. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
T . . . empering.
My expectations. I am coming to grips with what I wanted to happen . . . compared with what did happen. I really don’t like having to temper my expectations. About anything. Ever. So it’s a struggle for me. But I’ll get there.
=====
Although I know my mood is improving, I’m just not feeling much of the light-and-breezy these days. Everything seems to weigh heavily. I’m staying the course, though . . . not paying attention to the news, trying to stay away from my computer, getting outside, taking care of chores, moving my hands, and spending time with friends and family. It helps.
I’m sure it’s much the same for many of you.
Let’s keep moving forward. Together. Shall we?
I have found that ignoring news is not making me ignorant but rather, I can control how I intake news and how much. It is helping. Tremendously.
And my Pissed-off-over list would be EONS long!
Rest is so wise! XO
Oh, goodness, I hear you. I’m reeling & deep breathing… trying to come to grips with it all… intently focusing on my little world.
I’m feeling pretty much all of the above (including the sleepiness — when it’s dark, I want to nap!). I think it would be a good time to reread Wintering; it’s definitely a good time to go a little dormant, for many reasons.
Resigned is exactly the right word. I need to ignore the nonstop horrorshow and keep thinking ‘you all asked for it, you got it’ and support my friends who need support whenever I can.
Keeping busy is vital at this time of year, but also letting yourself go with the flow sometimes. At least in my experience.
Your list is spot on. Reeling and enduring. Fragile is the word I would add to this list – although I know it doesn’t fit in with Report. I’m doing a lot of soul searching and giving myself some grace and space. Thank you for being here.
I’m with you on Reeling. Some of what I’m reeling from is my own obliviousness. I think that not caring about others (even if they are different in some way) has probably been around for quite a while (at least 2016?) but I always thought people were basically good, and it was just a small vocal minority. Well, now it’s become quite clear to me that ~50% of people in the US just don’t care, and worse yet, they actively wish to harm undocumented people, trans, LGBTQ+, or even those that read banned books, or are a different religion. I have to keep reminding myself that ~49% did not vote for the shitshow. Cabinet picks were making me crazy so now I just don’t read any news. We’re enduring because we have to, but we all need to figure out how to endure for the long term. Sorry for the dissertation; it just feels good to comment in a community that I know will understand. Take good care.
I am in the same place. All of what you wrote resonates with me.
I will move forward and continue to show up for the people and causes that I care about but I am still feeling like there is very little good to come. And also, I keep hoping I will be wrong.
I’m feeling so many of these emotions, too, and I appreciate how eloquently you wrote about them. I have glimmers of hope because Massachusetts but even here it’s moving in a direction I don’t like. I am finding comfort in the regularity of the natural world and I have pretty strict boundaries about the news these days. I don’t expect that to change anytime soon. XOXO
It appears that our little community here is all feeling pretty much the same. Getting outside, finding solace in poetry or other books, keep our hands and hearts busy is important. Life does go on and I keep reminding myself that we’ve gone through this before…I’m sorry we need to go through it again, but at least we have the experience of dealing with it once. Oh, and the news – I have not listened to it for years and have no plans to start now.
I’m concentrating on the good right now – birthdays, holidays, etc. And reading, knitting, whatever I can to both entertain myself and keep my brain power on something else. It’s hard, but so far I’m hanging in. And I hope you will too!