Oh, trust me. I am knitting . . . endless, ever-longer rows on my Waffle Pullover sweater (which I clearly will not be “banging out” by the end of the month, by the way). So rather than share all the tedious details of my knitting (alleged) “progress,” I thought I’d share a Not Knitting project with you today instead.
Because I have finished another of my “chunky books.” (A project that has long-languished in the emotional mire I reserve solely for my art.)
I love making these little chunky books (this is my second; you can see my first one here). Mixed media. Quotes. Stenciling. Painting. Embellishing. Book binding. Endlessly entertaining. Never boring.
I started making the pages for this chunky book about a year ago. I planned six signatures, with each one representing a “pillar” to help me fight the despair I was feeling back in the early days of the current administration. I thought of it as my “sanctuary” project, as it provided me an escape from the news and a way to find some flow in the making. The “pillars” . . . Joy. Kindness. Connection. Resilience. Light. Hope.
Working on this book did help me . . . but as spring arrived, I got busy with other things (remember my trip to England? my kitchen re-model? Erin’s visit? Garden season, cabin season, a Solstice party?) and Life got in the way. I laid the chunky book aside . . .
until a couple of weeks ago, when I pulled the project out again – hoping to finally wrap it up and finish it. Sometimes old and unfinished projects will serve as a barrier for me. They hang over my head and tie up my heart, and I find I can’t start anything new. And this chunky book was one of those projects: a barrier. So I decided to make it a focus for myself; a priority in my art studio. So I could move on.
The first thing I had to deal with when I got the project out again . . . was all those truly icky emotions just emanating from the pages; emotions I needed to deal with all over again. Because these pages tapped right back into all the bad sh*t I’d been dealing with from those early DOGE days . . . and the angst and dread I was feeling about my upcoming England trip . . . and the guilt I felt about re-doing my kitchen. The unfinished project took me back to an emotionally difficult time.
I thought about just pitching the project altogether (which is what I do with knitting or sewing projects that aren’t working for me). I also thought about picking through my completed pages for things that didn’t feel so bad . . . to repurpose them for some other project down the road.
But . . . no. I decided to finish instead. Because there IS power and deep emotion for me in these pages — and isn’t that the whole PURPOSE of ART in the first place? To express what it is that I’m feeling? Because this “piece” – this chunky book – does that. It holds a bleak time in my life. It’s an expression of my outrage and fear and angst — and my attempt to turn that aside by creating a “sanctuary” for myself.
So I finished it. I completed the pages. I created a cover. I re-learned the tricky binding. And there you have it. A chunky book that reflects . . . emotion and icky feelings AND my ways of dealing with them. (When I showed it to my friend Karen, she didn’t feel the angst. She felt the strength from the “pillars.” So there you go.)
Art . . . really is all about expression. It’s what you feel when you look at it. . . whether you’re the maker or the viewer.
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You can see more of the inside pages if you’d like . . . here in my Field Notes.
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And in the Proof of Knitting deparment . . . the tedium continues. (Also Sophie Scarf #3 nears the finish line.)
That book is amazing. So good that you were able to finish it.
Your book is impressive and I think it has served several purposes – providing concrete pillars, dealing with emotions, and as a lovely piece of art. I can’t exactly feel thankful towards this administration that they have managed to inspire art in some ways, but it is wonderful to look at. Your sweater is gorgeous and so is Sophie #3!
Bravo on finishing that book, despite some of the icky feelings. I hope the completion of it allowed you to put some of those feelings past you. (And if we ever manage to do an RWU retreat, I hope you’ll teach a little workshop on how to make these books!) You’d better get cracking on that current Sophie Scarf, because I think yarn for #4 is due to arrive any minute now.
I’m glad you persevered. What a beautiful book, Kym!! I imagine that you’ll always be reminded of the icky feelings when you hold that book, but that they won’t sting quite so much in the future (god, let’s hope).
I’m proud of you for finishing that book and dealing with the icky feelings it brought back. I think it’s pretty fabulous, too. Just like you.
In all the emotion and yucky feelings there is truth; the truth of that particular time. The book is beautiful and a sign of accomplishment…making something worthy and beautiful out of ugliness and destruction.
The book is beautiful, Kym. I think all of the yukky feelings are just too recent for you to fully appreciate this work of art. But in time, you will. Hopefully in November of this year. Your sweater is lovely, and just my style as well, but I know I would never take on that project without a group of women sitting around a table to help me. That’s how I learned to knit, and I miss those sessions so much. I can’t find one in my city, but if I could I would be there no matter what time or day.
I think your book is wonderful and kudos to you for persevering and finishing it. Also, your Waffle is looking so fine! Remember, it’s not a race…
The book is beautiful. I love the idea of a signature representing an emotion or pillar. The sweater is coming along. It’s fun to see the different color combinations that have been chosen. I do wonder at the choice of that pullover for knitting in one month but I imagine they thought it created a challenge and an opportunity for learning for experienced knitters. It sounds as if the instructor is doing a terrific job.
The book looks enticing but mostly I am drawn again to your color combination for the Waffle sweater. The farther along you get, the better it is! And I don’t know for which you are to be most congratulated – overcoming the emotionally-induced inertia of the book or successfully tackling the short-row ridden, back-of-the-neck instructions of this sweater (I love grids, too!).
Congratulations on tackling and finishing the book. It looks wonderful and it acknowledges the validity of those feelings. Just because they are ugly and uncomfortable doesn’t make those feelings any less valid. May we all learn, grow, and create a new positive world order as a result of those very valid feelings.
Although tedious it looks like the sweater is coming along beautifully.
I’m struck by the color differences between the knitting and the book.
I have been journaling more than I ever had in my life since 2025… and there is lots of icky writing angst… lots of deep worry… lots of fear and frustration. But I have found that by giving those feelings space on a page keeps them from all competing with my space for daily living. I think your book is a beautiful tribute to giving all those feelings space… and that my friend, is a very good place for them to be! My hope is that someday I will look back and be amazed at our incredible survival methods… I am seeing powerful artwork everywhere! (a Super Bowl halftime show, a moving conversation between two friends – Suleika Jaouad and Nadia Bolz-Weber, blow-me-away poetry podcasts… to name a few)
I will be a “slow banger” on knitting this sweater as well… but I am not stressing about it… the incredible rhythm of mosaic knitting is the best things for my hands and brain to be occupied with! XO
From negative energy positive power can come forth. Art is the answer!! You tackled the pain and turned it into something full of your power. Great work, Kym!!