Okay, friends.
I’m calling out for help and advice.
Because I am having a miserable time sleeping these days. (Maybe some of you are, too?)
I usually go to bed between 10 – 10:30. I read for a little bit — until I run out of “awake time” — and then fall right to sleep. No problem getting to sleep.
But.
I often wake up at about 1:30 (to pee . . . y’know), and when I get back into bed, the Night Demons come out to play.
This used to happen every now and then. But lately, it’s nearly every night. I’m exhausted and cranky and just generally very out of sorts. I’ve tried all my usual “tricks” (getting up to read for awhile, breathing exercises, writing in my journal, just laying there to try to “rest”), but nothing is bringing me comfort these days. My daytime life . . . is suffering. My mental health is tanking. I’m finding the joy is just oozing out of my days. And everything seems EVEN WORSE in the middle of the night.
So. I decided to just throw this out on the blog (especially since I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one).
- Are you having any sleep problems these days?
- What helps you when you’re having a sleepless night?
- Do you take melatonin? Does it help you?
- Any other tricks? Advice? Suggestions?
Desperately seeking some decent sleep . . .
I feel your pain… I use the sleep stories on the CALM app. For me, they engage my mind just enough to have it let go of the tumbling NOT HELPFUL thoughts. The stories are about 35 minutes long and I rarely make it through. Erik Braa is one of my favorite narrators.
I don’t use the Calm app but I do something similar. I pull up a podcast – nothing where the hosts are going to get to excited – and focusing on the quiet volume alone usually is enough to help fall asleep when nothing else is working.
I do this too! And also like Erik Braa. ‘The Nordland Night Train’ is a recent favourite!
Hey – welcome to my world. Actually I have been this way for quite some time (menopause, you know). I sometimes take some melatonin gummies about 30 minutes before going to bed. I think sometimes they work and sometimes not so much. I’m sorry I don’t have advice for you. I don’t do anything but lie awake (sometimes from 1:30 to 4 or 4:30). I do not get up and read or knit or stitch. I’m not consciously thinking or worrying about things (but I suppose I am underneath it all). Sometimes I will practice my yoga breath. Sometimes I think about a knitting or stitching project and then decide I will stash dive in the morning. I have found that if I do not read for 30-60 minutes before bed my sleep is worse. It is also worse after watching TV. Sorry I have no magic solutions for any of us!!
Until I retired that was my sleep pattern as well. I sleep much better now that the stress of work is gone. UNLESS something else stresses me out – like the everything going on right now. My best way to fall back to sleep requires me to lay down in the guest room (so I don’t disturb my hubby) and to put on something for background noise – soft music, white noise, etc. Anything at a low volume. It breaks up the continual thoughts rolling around my head and I can usually fall back to sleep in 15 minutes. I do not pick up my phone and scroll or even try to read on my kindle as I find the “light noise” wakes my brain up even more. Good luck. Lack of sleep is terrible for our mind and body.
Yes to sleep problems, and mine are issues like yours (waking up and inability to get back to sleep). I’ve started doing several things that seem to work somewhat. First, I don’t drink anything after 8:00 pm. I miss my cups of tea, but that way I don’t have to get up to pee as early or as often. Before I go to sleep, I write a list of whatever I’m concerned about, things that I want to do tomorrow, etc. This kind of serves to clear all the crap out of my mind as much as possible. I’ve tried melatonin for several weeks, but it never seemed to work at all; ymmv. Like Mary above, I’ve used sleep stories on various apps when I wake up in the middle of the night, and am usually successful. I’ve used 10% Happier, Calm, Headspace,and have just started trying Medito (completely free), and they all have sleep stories that last ~20 min or so that you could try during the trial period to see if they are helpful. Good luck!
That’s so interesting- when my daughters were young I’d talk them through everything that had happened during the day – at bedtime, and I swear they slept so much better at night! (Rigmor)
The ‘I can’t sleep’ podcast. Benjamin will read you Wikipedia articles in his soothing voice and boom. I rarely last more than 5 or 10 minutes. . Personal favorites are ‘Mudbricks’, ‘ Stainless Steel’, ‘Ducks’ but he has lots of them. Just don’t pick a subject about which you have knowledge/opinions. I find I actually listen to those and find myself disagreeing. But 20 or 30 minutes on the history and technology of mud brick construction ? Out like a light.
I wish I had the answer to this! My troubles are usually in falling asleep (and the primary reason for that is the noise in my bed). I do wake up in the middle of the night, but in most cases I just roll over and go back to sleep. In times of high stress/anxiety, I find it really hard to shut off my brain, which I suspect is an issue for many of us. The best cure for it I’ve found is just a lot of physical activity during the day — if I’m physically tired enough, my brain can’t keep me awake.
Well you are not alone. This has been a pattern in my life for a very long time and somethings work for a bit and then they don’t. I also use sleep stories or a boring podcast that I don’t care about. It is nice that I can stream through my hearing aids so I don’t interrupt the sleep of my bed partner. I have also begun taking my magnesium with ashwaganda supplement at night because I have read that it is good for relaxing. Melatonin gives me nightmares.
Same pattern here! I have had good luck with melatonin from Ritual. It releases the melatonin throughout the night and that helps me a lot. I can send you a link.
Try not answering the 1:30a bladder call. Meditate on the sensation of the contraction until it goes away. And it will. Your relief that the urge went away may just be enough to put you back to sleep. I think of these contractions as suggestions (they usually come around every two hours) and my mind hardly acknowledges them. I get up to pee maybe a half dozen times a year. (And I’m old!) I know the desperation you feel, and your peeps are coming through with some helpful suggestions. Hope you get some real sleep soon.
Yes to sleep problems. Sometimes can’t get to sleep, sometimes wake up in the middle of the night.
I’ve started using CBD gummies with melatonin. From what i understand, the melatonin helps to get to sleep and the CBD is supposed to keep you asleep. I’ve only been using for about 2 weeks and they say to give it a month before you know if the dosage etc is working. I’ve found that they put me to sleep immediately but they hadn’t been helping with staying asleep, although in most cases it has been very easy to fall back asleep. However, last night I slept through til 5am and then went back to sleep til 6:45. So maybe I’ve gotten to a good place loading wise? I don’t know. Also–having much more vivid dreams with these gummies–not nightmares but certainly dreams I remember (mostly). Or I remember having dreams even if I don’t remember the dream itself. Anyway–if you want more info about them email me and I’ll share more stuff. I’ve ordered a second bottle because I do feel good when I wake up in the mornings these days, and that’s a plus!
I’m sorry you’re in this pattern. Mine come and go…like you no trouble falling asleep and even right back after the 12:30 get up but that 2:30 wake up is the demon for me. I don’t do anything and sometimes it’s 15 minutes and sometimes an hour. If it started affecting my days I’d go directly to CBD gummies. I have friends that swear by them.
I always read in bed, before turning out the light. Sometimes not enough, I think, and then I’ll have difficulty falling asleep. There is an ETERNAL battle between my inner night owl & the need to be at work at 7am and balance doesn’t come easy. If there’s one reason I’m looking forward to retirement, it’s that!
Measured breathing often helps me fall back asleep. I’ve also begun using a small, square, feather pillow sometimes that I put over my head — it blocks out any ambient noise and/or light — and acts a little like white noise, I suppose. I have been known to use earplugs, too.
I really like Karel’s idea to ignore the call. I’ve done that with success when napping, but I’m going to try it in the middle of the night, too.
Oh, and if I suddenly remember something in the middle of the night, I will immediately get up & jot a note… otherwise the “will I remember in the morning” festering will.not.end, and seems to become an invitation for OTHER intrusive thoughts to join in.
Wishing you some Zzzzzzs!
Oh yes! I know this very well…I try focused breathing, focused relaxation and counting backward from 100 in my mind, visualizing the numbers (and back again if necessary). I have recently started to imagine in my mind’s eye an infinity sign being drawn. When all else fails I read my kobo and hope I will fall asleep mid sentence. Good luck!
My sleep challenge is in getting to sleep. My advice probably isn’t new. I need to shut off screens about 8:45 p.m. to fall asleep by 10:30 p.m. Lately I read a few poems before picking up my nightstand book. I try a breath cycle of inhale for (count) five, hold for four, exhale for eight or nine. Sometimes if I’m wide awake because my mind is whirring and worrying I try reading again. Mostly I lay and breathe and think that my body is getting some benefit from resting and that’s the best I can do at that moment.
So this was me until 6 months ago and I spoke to my doctor who switched up my HRT. A world of difference! I now rarely have this issue. I do try to go to bed at the same time or earlier if I feel sleepy. I usually read a little. If I wake up and can’t fall back to sleep, I think of random words, like orange, and then think of words with each of the letters of that word. I keep doing this with new words and usually fall back to sleep.
Very Similar to Vera’s unfortunately. Sometimes it helps if I wait an hour (2 games of semi-difficult Scrabble on the App) which calms me down A BIT). Then drink warm milk and a piece of bread (carbohydrates) and in another hour or so I can fall asleep. By then it is around 4 to 5 p.m. but at least I get another 2-3 hours in. Also days I am really physically active (outdoor stuff) I can sleep longer than usual. The milk and bread thing is not great for my waistline, though, so I don’t do it regularly. Reading A BOOK is more calming than Scrabble but not as handy. So Scrabble first, then a book. Very Complicated! Does Tom have the same problem? My husband can go back to sleep much easier than I can. Melatonin did Not help me.
I fear that these days there is an ever growing Missing All The Sleep Society! I am sure you know the “no screen time” as bedtime draws near. I fear there is no avoiding those nighttime wake ups to visit the bathroom… I work diligently to consume enough water during the day… end result, I will have to wake up to pee more than once a night. My doctor said melatonin could be helpful, but I have not tried it yet. What has been working for me is stepping out on my back porch to get a few breaths of fresh air. It has been helping me and when I get back into bed, I am happy to sink into the warm, cozy blankets and I fall back to sleep fairly quickly! I will for sure be sending you all the good sleep juju … I hope this problem is soon a distant memory! XO
Kym- I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. It’s a real problem for me too, right now. I find some relief (sometimes) in steps like Jane recommends: the breathing exercises, taking solace in “rest”. I can tell part of the difficulty for me is the way the “demons” get the upper hand. For me, it’s not busy-ness and to/do’s that keep my mind running but rather fear and worry. Sometimes I recite Mary Oliver’s poem, I Worried, to myself.
Sending good wishes for rest.
I have had sleeping problems of various kinds for several years. I have tried everything, but I always come back to these things: lots of physical activio fluids at least 2 hours before bed, no caffeine after noon, a hot bath during which I read a book (John thought this was funny when we first got married), cold bedroom, and breathing exercises when I get into bed. If you continue to need to get up to pee a lot, try putting your feet up above your heart to facilitate lymph drainage a couple of hours before you go to bed. You collect a lot of fluid in your limbs due to gravity during the day, so you need to encourage it to make its way back up so it can be eliminated. I would caution anyone from ignoring the need to pee. Urine will back up into your ureters and into your kidneys -not good! Better to reduce the need to pee through other ways. (By now, you should have noticed that I am a nurse. Most of these are based on physiological realities.) I often do a breathing exercise with Carolyn McCready on youtube. She has lots of them, but one of them seems to be the Goldilocks one for me. She is very, very relaxing. The hot bath routine is essential for me, and I have been doing it for years. It makes me relax physically, and when your body temp is falling, it encourages sleep. I have taken time-released melatonin, but it gives me a hangover, so I only take it when I am desperate. And it you do not love your bed, fix it! I sleep much better on clean, smooth sheets and the proper covers. I use a heated mattress pad that I turn on before I get into bed on really cold nights. If I am really tense, I do a few yoga poses for relaxation, like child’s pose, downdog, etc. Become obsessed with your nightime routine so that you don’t worry about things. It is the best kind of self care.
I share your concerns about lack of sleep during this traumatic time. Lately I tried three techniques that helped somewhat: cognitive shuffling, the nothing much happens podcast, and simply mentally wandering my gardens and identifying the plants. All three really helped take my mind off things I can’t control.
I am finally having more ok nights of sleep than not, but it’s waking in the middle of the night has been a problem over the past several years. A few things that have helped me:
– Calm app, as several others have mentioned. (I can share a 30 day free trial if you are interested.) If I want to stay in bed, I use earbuds, but those buggers like to fall out of my ears so sometimes I move to the basement couch so I can listen on speaker. I’ve learned which series and narrators I like best, and there is a “Gently Back to Sleep” story that I find helpful. I may not always get back to sleep, but I am resting as opposed to having the Night Demons taking over.
– I have used melatonin, it helps me if I’m having a little trouble sleeping but usually isn’t enough to overcome a string of sleepless nights. I have had better luck with a “sustained release” formula, it hasn’t worn off when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning. I get mine from Nutrascriptives, started with the 1 mg dosage and increased the number I took until it was helpful, now I buy the 5 mg capsules.
– If I have space in my schedule the next day, I turn off my alarm so my body can sleep as long as it needs once I get to sleep.
– Another reason I often move to the basement couch is so the rest of the family (and the pets) are less likely to wake me up when they get up in the morning.
– If prescriptions are something a consideration, Trazadone was a big help for a while. I do think it built up in my body after a year or two of use, and I felt less groggy during the day after I stopped taking it. But it was a big help in actually sleeping through the night! As a bonus, it is also an antidepressant.
– I also have a prayer liturgy that helps calm my mind, but it takes more effort than listening to an app (get out of bed, find reading glasses, etc). I tend to do that less because of the effort it takes, rather than stumbling to the basement.
I hope you find relief soon, sleepless nights make everything heavy.
Lots of good advice above. I used to listen to Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly everything because I had already listened to the whole thing, and it was rather dry. Perfect to fall asleep to. My problem has always been difficulty in falling asleep. Current remedy is 5mg of Clonazepam, 2 Benadryl, and a very large glass of wine. Probably not the healthiest combination but it works. Talk to your doctor; mine always asks if I wake during the night (which I don’t). There is undoubtedly a pharmacological remedy for your wakefulness.