When my kids were still at home, our house was a . . . lively house. Kinda loud, you might even say. There was always a lot going on back then. Comings and goings. Door slams. Whining. Laughter. Yelling. TV noise. And music. Lots of music. (Not only were my kids musicians, so we were always treated to practice-sounds of singing and piano and trombone and drums and guitar, but we also had different music blaring from competing boomboxes all the time.) It was a cacophony. Always.
And, generally, I enjoyed it. I was used to it. But every once in a while I asked for silence. I’d tell my kids . . .
I need some space to hear myself THINK.
By contrast, my life is pretty quiet these days. Tom and I like silence (although I did miss the sounds of my kids and their music for a long, long time when it first stopped). We don’t turn on the TV unless we want to watch something. We play music on our speakers sometimes, but these days we mostly just listen on our own with our headphones. We don’t slam things. We don’t yell. (We do laugh a lot, though.)
But. Y’know what? Despite the quiet environment . . . I still need some space to hear myself THINK.
I’ve realized that my house might not be full of sound these days — but my head certainly is!
It’s so easy now . . . to listen . . . to something (an audiobook, a podcast, a class, a webinar) while . . . doing pretty much anything else. Who needs to attend to the mundane(ish) tasks at hand these days . . . when we can divide our attention and divert our boredom/tedium to something more entertaining – or at least something distracting? I’m certainly guilty. Audiobook-while-walking. Podcast-while-weeding. Painting-class-while-painting. Anything-while-knitting.
So I’ve been thinking . . . If I’m always filling my head with (at least) two competing “inputs” at the same time, how does that impact my being present in my own life? Could this constant multitasking have anything to do with why I feel more scattered and less able to attend to tasks? Maybe this is why I find it so much harder to focus on things?
I decided to check in and ask . . .
Am I giving myself enough space to hear myself THINK?
The thing is, there is so much information for us to take in these days. So. Much. And thanks to technology and our various devices, it’s ever easier to actually take it all in (even while we’re already doing something else). But I’m not sure that’s . . . a good thing. I’m convinced there’s a cost involved. Not only do I feel like I’ve been losing my ability to attend to whatever-task-at-hand, but I feel like I never have enough time – or the space – to actually process whatever it is I’m so busy “taking in” all the time!
Life is overwhelming these days (more than ever before, I believe) – and even more so when we try to cram everything in all at the same time. More information. More books. More podcasts. More news. More analysis. More shows. More. More. More.
It’s very loud in our heads, y’know?
What to do about it, though? Well . . . I was heartened by this real-life example from my own experience: Several years ago, I intentionally started reading fewer books (which, I know, is very counter to the more common goal of “reading more”). I felt like I was just becoming a “chain-reader” (y’know . . . “lighting” one book from the end of my last). I was struggling to process or absorb – let alone recall – what I’d just read. . . . before plunging into my next book. That simple change (reading less, not more) has enhanced my reading more than I ever imagined. It’s easy to get swept up in reading-all-the-books (or making-all-the-things or … fill in all-the-whatever here), but the simple truth is . . . there will never be enough time to do all the things we want to/wish to do. Ever. (No matter how much we multitask.)
So. A couple of months ago, I decided to do the equivalent of “reading less” for other inputs in my life. I set out to include more silence – more intentional quiet – in my life. To give myself over to just doing the task at hand. Without distraction. To build more space so I can hear myself think. I’ve given up having anything “in my ears” while cooking dinner. Or walking. Or folding laundry or weeding or wandering the aisles at my grocery store. I’m being really choosy about which audiobooks I listen to – and when I listen to them. And I’ve stopped listening to podcasts altogether.
And, yeah. It’s been really hard to make that happen. It’s quite an adjustment. But . . . you know what I’m discovering? I hear more birdsong. I notice more flowers. I’m free to paint what I want to paint. I am more aware of how my body is feeling while it moves. I’m putting loose ends together in my head. I’m . . . processing again.
Basically, I’ve given myself a little more space to think.
And I like it.
My solution has been more silence. More intentional . . . quiet.
Not all the time, but a little more of the time. . . and a lot more often.
Silence . . . designed to give me that little extra bit of space to think.
In order to see birds it is necessary to become part of the silence.
— Robert Lynd
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Okay. So I had already written this post when I opened the New York Times on Saturday and found this op-ed by Oliver Burkeman (author of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals). He’s kinda saying the same thing I just said. Only better. I’m “gifting” the article to you today, so if you click the link you’ll be able to read his words without encountering a paywall. (But only for a couple of weeks. After that, the link will not work unless you’re a NYT subscriber.)
I wholeheartedly agree! A month or so ago I caught myself reading the Washington Post on my laptop, listening to an audiobook in my ears, and trying to knit. The ridiculousness of it stopped me as soon as I realized it, and I’ve been trying to do one thing at a time. I used to tell the kids to do that very thing when they were allegedly doing homework with music playing, their phones at hand, and 16 tabs open in their browsers. It’s time to follow my own advice!
That multi-tasking thing? Yep… got it down and good! And you are right… it is not good for us to be multi-tasker’s all.the.time. But breaking that habit… oof, it is so, so, hard. (and thank you for that article which I will read when I am done with my morning list!)
I love this! I know I’m in the minority here, but I almost never listen to anything while doing something else. The one exception for me is to knit while Fletch and I listen to our current audio book after dinner…that’s usually just 15-20 minutes. And I guess another exception is I usually have the radio on in the car when I’m driving or music playing while we eat dinner. I never listen to anything while walking (because I want to hear the birds – and also any runners or bikers coming up behind me!). I’ve never found a podcast that I want to listen to. When I sit to knit or stitch I never have music or anything else on. I’ve downloaded some audio books for me (not ones that Fletch would enjoy), but I have not yet found any time to listen to them! I love the quiet life! Thanks for the gift of the article – I’m heading over to that now.
This is totally brilliant. Needing space and quiet to just think. To just be. I am very quilty of not noticing what I eat because I have the radio or TV on.
I could not survive without my silence diet.
Five stars: Highly recommend.
Oof! This will be hard for me, but I know it would be good to have more focused quiet times in my day. I grew up in a house where the radio and/or tv was ALWAYS on. And though we only turn on TV to watch something in particular, I do multitask via my earbuds a LOT. Podcasts, audiobooks, sometimes music. That said, my walks with Chuck, where we talk or don’t talk, but also don’t multi-task, are much more fun and relaxing than solitary podcast listening ones. Something to think about.
Thank you….for the post and for the link.
This year I went back to Tai Chi after a long Covid hiatus. When we start a set, it’s as if I drop into a trance…deeply attentive to and focused on the movement. I had forgotten about that aspect and am pleased to say it carries over into other parts of my day.
So yes to silence and focus.
Good for you for finding the space and the quiet time you need! I listen to podcasts and audiobooks in the car on my way to/from work. But very rarely at home. Definitely not when I’m knitting, occasionally when I’m walking (but I prefer silence if I’m only walking for 10 minutes), and rather often if I’m weeding but not if I’m just working in the garden. I like to hear the world around me. Dale and I do listen to music when we’re together for cocktail hour or playing cards but I seldom turn it on when I’m cooking or cleaning. And, like you and Tom, we only turn the tv on when we’re watching something.
I know I am guilty of multitasking by listening to something while doing a lot of mundane tasks (folding laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, etc.). There is a sense of wanting more time to do things I enjoy and not having enough. But it would be good for me to just be alone with my thoughts from time to time, so thank you for setting a good example!
This resonates with me in so many ways, Kym. I won’t even fill this space up with all the ways. Just yes to silence and space and (for me) slow.
And it keeps getting worse. I would love to open my iPad without getting some blaring message even before I enter my passcode. Pretty soon I’ll be like Pavlov’s dog and not want to open it at all. Which might be a good thing!
Your post and the NYT article are just what I needed to remind me to slow down and just be quiet and to make the space for quiet time each day. I have tried listening to audio books & podcasts while walking or cleaning house, but I didn’t enjoy it and often lost track of the story. I still think I should try again to listen audio books while I walk, but just this morning I took notice of how quiet and peaceful it was, I could hear birdsong and it was beautiful. I decided I don’t need to listen to anything other than nature during my walks. When I read your post, it confirmed for me that I’ve made the right decision.
First of all, thank you for the link to the NYT article. Will be reading THAT right after THIS.
My life is filled with noise. I live on a busy street across from a tire store. I have a neighbor with a barky dog. The TV is on sometimes with no one watching. As much as I love my husband dearly, he is noisy. So very noisy.
But, I find I need the silence. I can’t stop the cars, or the tire store with their incessant radio music. After 68 years of life I really doubt Steve is going to finally be a quiet-type person. He even BREATHES loudly. Okay … maybe I’m the only one that would notice that. LOL
While I was reading you post, I noticed the TV news was on. I’m obviously NOT watching it and Steve is outside working in the yard. I got up and turned it off.
I have a rule that when Steve is out on a fire call, working, or at the firehouse doing I don’t know what …. I will knit or stitch in the quiet.
There is plenty of other times for sound distraction. I agree with you . . . quiet time is so very important.
Oh, this made me laugh, Dee! I complain about my husband breathing! It usually only bothers me (and only sometimes) when I’m awake in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep because… BREATHING!!
I’ve been thinking more about your post some more as I’ve been outside cutting up debris from our latest storm. This feels like one of those one-word gleanings that becomes a long term awareness. And I just love it when that happens.
I love this all so much! Thank you for writing such a thoughtful analysis. I have never been able to get into listening via headphones or air buds because the sound gets inside my head and pulls me away from what I want to be focusing on. I’m old school enough that I leave the radio on all day on NPR for background noise that stays in the background. I like to work out with the music in the background, not in my head. It’s still too distracting. TV while knitting works for me because it is further away than the knitting so I can focus mostly on what I’m doing unless the tv story pulls me in. Then I probably stop knitting so I can focus on the tv. I do love quiet print book reading time and don’t rush through my books anymore either. It’s hard because there is so much I want to read and knit and watch… prioritizing is a thing. Off the read the NYT article with thanks!!
I’ve always enjoyed my quiet time — maybe because I grew up in a noisy household with five kids and only seven years between eldest & youngest (and lemme tell ya, there were a couple of VERY LOUD siblings)! Thanks for your insight, and for the article!
Amen Kym. I purposely often walk without my phone just to think. I never listen to anything while gardening. Taking time to savor whatever I am doing, from the mundane to the creative is necessary for me. I learned this lesson when my Mom was ill with cancer and dying. What helped me the most to cope with my grief and anger was to do one thing at a time. Sometimes it wasn’t enough but I’m convinced it helped immensely.
Just wanted to leave a quick comment that I just started Tom Lake and I am thinking of you in every page!
I love it. I probably won’t love it as much of State of Wonder but I love it all the same (and I played Mrs. Gibbs in our HS’s production of OT).
I grew up in a noisy, LOUD house! My parents were gregarious, and the TV and radios were always on, and we always had extra people around, and it was just really LOUD all of the time.
And then I married a NOISY person. When he talks, yes his voice is loud, but omg is he NOISY. On days I’m home by myself, I only occasionally turn on the TV or listen to music because it’s my big chance to listen to my own thoughts, period.
BUT – I also get nervous if things are quiet all of the time. I really need to know that the world is still there. So go figure. 😉