I was recently reminded of a concept I’d learned about at one point . . . long ago; something I had tucked away in the deep recesses of my brain and then forgotten about. You’ve probably heard about/learned about this concept before, too. But a little “refresher” might be just what you need. It is certainly something that helped me . . .

I’m talking about the Sphere of Concern vs. the Sphere of Influence.

The Sphere of Concern . . . is vast; it’s everything we care about, everything that matters to us out in the great world. Justice. Equity. Food security. Our climate. Wars in faraway countries. School shootings. Fires in LA. Floods in NC. Democracy in the US. The list is long and comprehensive — and growing all the time.

The Sphere of Influence . . . by contrast, is small; it’s a much more personal, tighter subset of our Sphere of Concern. It’s what we can actually DO about the situations in our lives, in our communities – what we can influence, who we can help, where we can have impact. Directly.

Because of social media, 24-hour news, and the constant demand for our attention, the Sphere of Concern has become . . . enormous! We are “expected” to care about everything, to be knowledgeable about everything, and to engage with everything — even though expending our time and energy engaging with those (very real and truly concerning) issues can emotionally drain us, leaving us feeling ever more anxious and helpless. And if we don’t (or can’t) engage with all those issues all the time, other people think we’re being selfish. Or accuse us of wearing blinders or putting our heads in the sand. Which only adds to the pressure we feel, and makes us spiral deeper into feelings of powerlessness, overwhelm, and burnout.

Instead of expanding our Spheres of Concern to encompass more issues and more dire situations – what I call “worrying harder” — what we actually need to do is shrink our Spheres of Concern . . . to match or align with our Spheres of Influence. We simply cannot impact many (if any) of the issues in our Spheres of Concern — and especially not on our own, by ourselves.

So. What to do? How do we align and balance our Spheres?

First, we need to recognize when our Sphere of Concern is taking over our lives. (Because it is a sneaky little b*tch, that Sphere of Concern). Big hints: Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and exhausted. Everything feeling heavy and dark. And pointless. Maybe you’re having trouble engaging with things you usually enjoy . . . or you’re having trouble sleeping.

Then, we need to redirect our energy . . . to our Sphere of Influence. We need to focus on where we can make an actual impact, what we can offer, how we can take action. Directly. In real time. Of course, we also need to set some boundaries for ourselves  (we can’t do all the things, but we can do some of the things) — but we can contribute in ways that don’t drain our energy.

And, finally, we need to give ourselves permission to rest. Burning ourselves out does not make us better people! It is essential that we protect our energy. The world does not need our guilt, exhaustion, and burnout — but it does need our energy, presence, and the ability to actually . . . DO something.

Sometimes we need to focus closer . . .  to do more.
And to feel better.

“We live stitch by stitch, when we’re lucky. If you fixate on the big picture, the whole shebang, the overview, you miss the stitching.”

     — Anne Lamott

Come.
Fill your cup.