My mom was, truly, the Queen of the Mantra.
She would never think of herself that way, though. And she would never, ever have used the word “mantra.” But she was full of ‘em! And her favorite was this one . . . everything will be just fine.
I will admit that this was NOT a mantra I wanted to hear as a child – and especially not as a teenager. I wanted my [issue du jour] to be FIXED, damnit! I wanted a solution! I wanted justice! I wanted restitution!
What my mom always gave me, though . . . was (sigh) one of her everything-will-be-just-fines.
My sister and I laugh about it now, in that way adult children will. But, eventually, we also came to understand that she was really giving us a gift . . . the gift of resilience!
My lovely mom had a lot of really crappy things to deal with in her growing up years. And then she had more crappy things to deal with as an adult. Yet . . . she was the most loving, thoughtful, and kind person I’ve ever known. She wasn’t a flashy, showy kind of mom. She was a quiet, supportive, brimming-with-love-whatever-you-did kind of mom. She didn’t dwell on the crappy things. She moved through them with grace and dignity and good humor. She never fixed our [issues du jour] that I can recall. But she did show us how to keep going.
For my mom, everything WAS just fine.
Because she made it so.
I mean . . . what else are you going to do with the crappy things of life? You pick up the pieces and stick them back together and keep moving as best you can. You . . . make it so. And that’s resilience.
Now that I’m a grown up (and an old one at that), I can look back and see how very often I’ve applied my mom’s favorite mantra (everything will be just fine) over and over in my life. I swore I would never say those words to my kids – or to myself. And I haven’t. What I did, though, was translate my mom’s words (unwittingly, of course) into words that seemed more palatable to me, but that essentially mean the same thing: make it so. It’s one of my mantras. And one that I often told (still tell) my kids. (I’m sure they laugh about it behind my back.) (So it goes.)
When things go wrong – as they do, as they will – we keep going. We . . . make it so. Because what else are we going to do?
Although many of us are filled with the anxiety that comes from a bleak and uncertain future (spoiler alert: the future is always uncertain), we need to remember that we are also filled with the tools that will help us get through it. It’s time to sharpen up those tools!
Everything will be just fine.
Because we will make it so.
“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.”
– Mary Holloway
Come.
Fill your cup.
I also had a gentle mother who did such a great job of not getting tangled up. I like to think I have also learned that lesson. I’ve been thinking about resilience over here too.
I think I would have really liked your mom. What a blessing she was! I was a person who never thought of myself as “resilient” … at least when I was younger. Age and distance has shown me I do have a reservoir of resilience that I draw upon regularly. May we remember that sometimes we can be resilient and other times we need to help fill each other’s resilience reservoirs.
I got stuck on “…and an old one at that”. People in their seventies would call you a “baby”. And you are Still Young from my perspective! After all you can still walk your dog (I’m assuming), which is my benchmark for youth. And for the record my mother, too, had amazing resilience.
I feel like a whining teenager, “But I don’t want to sharpen my tools! I just want everything to be okay without any suffering on my part!” But the old, grown up me recognizes that that may not be how it works out. We don’t have any choice but to keep going forward; here’s hoping the road isn’t too rough for any of us. (How many sigils did you make? This one is pretty cool.)
Life certainly gives us choices every day, and reaching deep down for resilience rather than giving up is one of them. I am much older than you, I think, and I still have to consciously make that decision some days. I really like this sigil and your mantra, Kym. Resilience comes with practice, just as most things do. The more times you do it, the better you are at doing it. This post is an excellent reminder that we have power we often don’t acknowledge.
I think there’s a lot of your mom in you, Kym because YOU are one of the most loving, thoughtful and kind people I have ever met. So there. My mantra is generally “fix the problem” and that works pretty well in most instances. (Not so much for the gigantic world problems, unfortunately.)
My Dad had two: “it is what it is” and “this too shall pass”. OMG — I didn’t want to hear it way back then, but truthfully, he was right and I find those phrases running through my head quite often.
Your Mom sounds like a wonderful person. My Dad was one of those. My mom? Ehhhhhhhhhh…not so much.
I like both of those mantras (and your sigils – so very cool).
Whoa, such beautiful words and incredible art, Kym. It’s a wonderful reminder that sometimes you have to just straighten up that crown of resilience placed upon your head! A corollary to Robin Arson’s command to “Put that crown back on your head and remember who you are!” Thank you!
You had an amazing mother, that much is clear. And now I have a much better understanding of how you’ve come to be such a resilient human being!
This was just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for sharing your mom’s wisdom.
Your mom was right. We find a way to make life “fine” and to keep moving forward. My mom would say the same thing. They HAD to have resilience and just the fact that they survived and created a good life for us is the grandest lesson.
I also had a mother who was gentle, accepting, and cheered us on in whatever way we chose to go. I often wonder what she would make of this time in our world.
I love that journal page!!!