I’m sure you’re all quite familiar with the adage you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s often used to justify the self-care that we all need . . . but that we don’t always prioritize. But, really. We need to prioritize it. When it’s cold and dark and the future is uncertain, we need our cups to be full of kindness. . . all the way up to the brim!
Here where I live, in the northern part of the country, it’s usually quite cold and snowy in the winter. We prepare for driving in winter weather by keeping our gas tanks topped off. You sure don’t want to be caught running low on gas out on the road when the wind chill is dangerously low or the snow is blowing.
It’s the same thing with the personal reserves of kindness we hold in our cups. We want to keep them well topped off at all times so we can shield ourselves against . . . all of the (many) things that drain us and sap our energy – and our kindness.
When I find myself paying too much attention to, oh say . . . news headlines or posts on Instagram or even just certain items on my to-do list, I can physically feel my mood . . . sink . . . as that kindness drains right out of my cup.
If I can nip that in the bud by “offsetting” my creeping despair with some of the things that actually . . . fill my cup . . . I begin to feel like myself again. Calmer. More focused. And ready to meet another day.
Nothing has changed in the broader landscape of the world, of course. All the crap is still out there. But my ability to deal with that broader landscape (and all the crap) . . . improves.
I know you already know this.
And you all know exactly what to do to fill your own cup.
What I’d like to encourage you to do . . . in this season of busy, in this time of darkness and uncertainty . . . is to find a way to remind yourself to . . . take the time to do it. Because that seems to be the trick . . . remembering to shift our focus to the re-filling part: gas in the tank; kindness in our cup.
My little mantra – protect your peace – works for me. When I find myself slipping into despair, I repeat those words silently to myself. It helps me loosen and switch over to a cup-filling activity: my art or my knitting or some poetry or a walk. I’ll bet you can discover a way to remind yourself, too.
Give it a try.
Protect your peace.
“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.”
— Deepak Chopra
Come!
Fill your cup.
There’s a similar mantra that I’ve seen a lot on the internet in recent years: Put on your own oxygen mask first. I think this kind of message is especially important for those of us who are mothers and who are so likely to put the needs of our loved ones first. We can’t really take good care of anyone else if we aren’t first taking care of ourselves! I am single-parenting for much of this week, so I am taking your advice to fill up my cup quite literally with a splash more coffee.
Kym- This post is beautiful. Thank you for this gift, which I need so very much right now.
This December seems to be especially draining for me but I have stopped paying attention to news (except for Joe Biden pardoning his son, which I applaud) and started treating myself to some good things (a cup of chai, a new book) every day. We all need to protect our peace!
Sage advice Kym. I think I am going to book a facial!!
I needed this reminder, Kym. So much! And your mantra… well, I am borrowing that this month! Thank you so much for this timely reminder!
I have been protecting my peace a lot this last month – something I hope to carry into the new year. And I love this stamp design too.
Thank you for the reminder. It’s quite chilly down here today, but I will make a point to get outside and breathe in nature. Filling that cup makes me slow down and ignore the rest of the world for just a little while.
What a wonderful mantra….for this season and the seasons ahead.
I find that showing kindness or helping others has the surprising benefit of filling my cup. Letting the person behind me in the grocery line who only has 2 items (obviously their lunch) go ahead of me when I have a full cart. Holding the door for someone who doesn’t expect it.
It all goes to creating the world I want to live in and I hope it is paid forward.
Many years ago our jobs took us to Norfolk, Virginia. My husband and I were interested in learning Taekwondo, the Korean martial art. We found a Dojang and a master, a Sabom, by the name of Jack Dark.
When Jack was a child his mother feared that he was too effeminate. They lived in a tough area of Norfolk near the now non existent, rough and tumble 18th Street Sabom which was run by a master who studied in Korea. At his mother’s request, the black belts from the 18th Street Sabom would come by Jack’s home every day to escort him to training. Turns out he was able to channel his “feminine” side into poetic grace in action. At tournaments he was known for his graceful form.
In order to earn his first belt at Jack’s Dojang, my husband had to break a concrete block with his arm. I, on the other hand, who had once fractured my dominant wrist, loved to knit and played a musical instrument requiring dexterity, said “Oh, hell no.”
Jack’s Sabom from the 18th Street school would always be there to observe the qualification trials for belts. This was added pressure on everyone including Jack. No one wanted to make Jack look bad.
At the 18th Street school students learned to make potent potions that fermented for months to apply to bruises and sore muscles. Jack passed on that tradition and my husband was an avid medicinal brewer.
After the qualification trials there was always a feast. Children who had musical interests were always encouraged to perform. The whole experience trained the mind, body, and celebrated one’s spirit.
One of my take always from the entire experience was Jack’s favorite saying, and I still hear it in that slow, Southern drawl, “if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.”
It is my mantra and continues to serve me well.
Thank you, Kym for passing the cup.
I’m (as usual) a weirdo because this time of year is when it’s easiest for me to fill my cup! I love the holiday season, and whenever I get overwhelmed by all the things I want to do, I think about the WHY and then I know it’s because I want to do it. Which puts a whole other spin on things. And the twinkle lights I see always make me happy. I love seeing if people have decorated their houses, and I love holiday music.
It’s the rest of the year that’s a challenge for me. 😉
Your December Cup o’ Kindness is the perfect way to top off my cup. Also, nature (the soft gray sunrise today just was so ethereal) and the morning walk Mylo and I take every day (no matter way). Nature, the sky particularly, fills my soul.
Excellent advice! All I have to do is look at my left forearm to remember my mantra: breathe in, breathe out, move on. I don’t always remember it but I try.
Will do!
Taking it easy and keeping the down time a priority…thank-you. 🙂
It’s not so easy, but I guess the bottom line is we will have to deal with what the world is.. and ‘protecting your peace’ is a beautiful way to do it. Xo, Rigmor
I love “protect your peace” and the reminder to shift to filling my cup. Protecting my peace reminds me that I am worthy of peace and protection. I love the Chopra quote at the end of this post. I have always meant to read some of Chopra’s writing. This new year might be a good time to do that.