Last weekend, I shared a playlist my sister and I “built” featuring 25 songs of kindness and friendship. We each suggested songs for the playlist, and frequently, we both ended up suggesting the same song. One that we both suggested right off the bat was The Beatles’ Get By With a Little Help. It was an obvious choice for both of us.
… Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
In fact, I can’t quite imagine how I’d get through my days without connecting with my friends. Real-life friends and blog-friends, both. I actually don’t have a big bunch of real-life friends, and certainly no real “bestie” (I’ve lived in too many “places” over the course of my life to have those kind of deep, long-term, “bestie” connections), but I do have a core set of real-life friends I can count on.
One longtime friend and I enjoy monthly, 4-hour lunches together where we discuss pretty much . . everything. (Although we’ve agreed to let political discussions go at this point. Because we just . . . can’t anymore.) Another friend is notorious for inviting me over for impromptu meals (she is a most excellent cook; I never say no). She’s the same friend who kept me going in those initial post-election days by sending Spotify playlists full of upbeat dance music. Yet another friend recently gave JoJo a special dog advent calendar full of cookies. (We also knit together sometimes.) And another friend has an amazing art studio/workshop in her basement — and she’s invited me over to “play” and create together on a standing, every-Tuesday-afternoon basis . . . until the end of time. (She also serves Afternoon Wine at 3:00; kind of like Afternoon Tea . . only it’s wine.)
That last friend I mentioned. . . the one with the amazing art studio and the wine . . . is a recent re-connection, and a true gift to me right now.
We first met years ago in an art class (she was my colored pencil instructor; I think I wrote about her in blog posts of the distant past). We really hit it off. She’s one of those fun, energetic, outgoing people you just want to hang out with. I remember one day, as I was leaving class, she pulled me aside and said, “I think we should be friends.” We went out for a glass of wine, and . . . that was that.
But then the pandemic arrived, and the pandemic was hard on so many things. Including friendships. Sadly, we just sort of drifted apart.
Earlier this fall, though, I got to thinking about her again. After much hemming and way too much hawing, I took a bold step . . . and reached out to her with a text. (It’s so hard to make the first move, y’know?) She responded right away, and within days we met to catch up over a glass of wine. It was like no time had elapsed (although we did have several years to catch up on . . . )
And now? Well, we’re getting together every Tuesday afternoon for art and chatter and wine. It’s fun — and it’s helping us both feel better about all those things we can’t control. It’s been great to re-connect with an old friend.
So here’s the deal. We need each other – probably now more than ever. It’s time to shore up our friendships and trusted relationships. It’s time to connect – or re-connect – with “our people,” whether they be in our real-lives or online. Although I’m sure some people are strong enough to go it alone here, I tend to think everything is easier to bear when we have people to share the experience – and our lives – with.
Reach out.
Connect.
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don’t you let them– Carole King, You’ve Got a Friend
Come.
Fill your cup!
This is a wonderful story. I recently began walking with a neighbor who had been a constant in my life when our kids were young. About junior high, our kids and paths went different directions but this year we reconnected and it feels like no time has passed at all. And yes, that first step is awkward but sounds like it was a good choice.
I am glad you stepped past the discomfort and back into your friendship! (and thank you so much for sharing that here! XO)
Heading up to the mountains this weekend, to sign papers on Monday. We need to sell our 3/4 done but unfinished house, and get out from under. We could have signed electronically, but I wanted to go up. It will give us a chance to check in with friends we’ve met along the way. Their company is ALWAYS cup filling.
As we now transition into the legal phase of the unfortunate slow descent into a non-build, we’re going to need their support more than ever.
Though new friends (in the last two years) they have become dear friends, and I’m looking forward to the quick trip to fill a cup that is almost empty.
Today I’m going to enjoy the cooler (30s) temperatures and beautiful sunshine brought to us by a much needed rainy day yesterday.
I’m truly enjoying your thoughtful kindness posts this month. They are greatly appreciated.
These sound like lovely people to be friends with! My real-life friends take some “energy” to be with but they are going through some Big Things right now, so I need to be there in whatever ways possible. We rarely share wine but I think that might help!
There must be something about Tuesdays! A life-long friend who also works from home and I have made Tuesday our day to meet for lunch and a walk at one of our houses. I have dear friends that I keep in touch with regularly that live further away, but there is something about getting together in person that is just needed.
Who wouldn’t want to be friends with YOU!? I’m so glad you reconnected with this friend and that you’re getting together regularly to have fun and create and talk. I hang out with Jo-Ann every Thursday (because Kiwanis) but even when Kiwanis doesn’t meet we still make a point to get together on Thursdays.
Most of my real life friends are gone from me, long-term caretaking, their deaths, and the pandemic created a perfert storm for the loss of friends, BUT my blog friends give me hope. I am reading The Art and Science of Connection, and the author promises to give this introvert a how-to make new connections. I am doing all I can to maintain hope that new connections are possible. WIsh me luck! You are so lucky to have friends you can count on, Kym, hold fast.
Making friends as an adult is such a gift because it can be so hard to do. That’s probably why I am so grateful for my blog friends and Zoom friends! Your in-person friends sound amazing and like they’re good for you in all the ways that make you, well, you.
I’ve made two new friends in the past couple of months … and I’m amazed at how those new connections have improved my outlook on All the Things. Also, I need to find a friend who does Wine O’Clock!
I sang that song (CK) in the car today. True words for sure. I have my pal JoAnne and we do cosmo Friday. It just makes the week better. Also…a new mahjong group with friends old and new…much better than I anticipated! Happy for you and your friends Kym!
This is definitely a cup full!! And I’m only a little bit envious…
What courage to step out and reconnect with a friend. The older I get, the more important my friends are to me and to our circle. And I have always been a Carole King fan.
You speak the truth about friendships, near and far. What would I do without my SnB girls and our weekly bitch sessions? What would I do without the connection of friends who I rarely see, or have never met? All connections are so important. It is hard to be the one to break the ice and keep a relationship going. It’s even harder (why?) as we age. Ruts become deeper, I guess. Yes, all the connections are important.