Usually on Wednesdays, I join in with Kat’s Unraveled group to share what I’m working on, arts-and-crafts-wise. But today (because – really – who wants to see my minimal progress on the big woolly man sweater I’m knitting for Tom), I decided to share a Not Knitting project. Yes. It’s time for me to show you my new kitchen . . . and to unpack some of my personal baggage as I do so. Because, friends, this project was not only a major home renovation project. It was also an emotionally challenging project for me, personally. (True confessions and all that.)
Let’s start . . . here. With a “before.”
What you’ll see here . . . is a perfectly fine kitchen. Spacious. Workable. Tried and true. It had served me well since we moved into our house back in August 2003. (In fact, back in 2003 I was thrilled to have a kitchen island, a built-in pantry, a wood floor, new granite countertops, and a little “butler’s pantry” hidden behind a set of doors.) Over the years since, we’ve replaced all the appliances (as one needs to). Switched out the cabinet hardware. And painted the walls . . . twice. But everything else remained just as it was.
Oh, I dreamed of an updated kitchen! Because that “before” kitchen? It was dark and dated. Some of the wood panels in the cupboard doors had cracked. The wood finish was getting noticeably worn around the drawer pulls and knobs. And there was a late-80s built-in “kitchen desk” (which you can’t see in this photo), complete with cute little mail slot cubbies and an open shelf and tiny drawers designed to fit . . . nothing. It wasn’t functional at all, in terms of being a useful desk. But . . . it was a very effective Clutter Collector! (And an eyesore to boot.)
But my kitchen renovation dreams . . . remained just dreams.
Because I’m not really a spend-your-money-on-renovations kind of gal. I was brought up in a family where there was enough, but no extra. (And so was Tom.) Being Frugal is part of our genetic makeup. I’m not saying we never renovate or upgrade our living spaces, because we do. But . . . we usually do the work ourselves, calling in professionals only when it’s something we really haven’t been able to handle ourselves — or, now that we’re older, for projects involving a lot of ladder-ing and such. But we’ve never done a “frivolous rehab” . . . when something (living room furniture, for example) (or a whole freakin’ kitchen) is still perfectly serviceable.
But it was becoming more apparent (and even to Tom) that our kitchen was looking . . . very tired. And that it needed some major repairs and updates at the very least. So we took the plunge and got a quote for a more substantial kitchen renovation. And then we started looking at options and colors and samples, and making decisions. (I should clarify here. I started looking at options and colors and samples, and Tom said, “Those are nice.”)
But it was challenging for me, emotionally. We could afford the renovation project; that was fine, and it wasn’t my issue. I just felt . . . like, well. Like I wasn’t the kind of person who renovated their kitchen just because they wanted to. It was something deep in my genetic code. My family did not spend money frivolously. We got by. We made do. We were happy with “perfectly serviceable.” And here I was . . . Not Doing That. In the middle of a bleak and dark time in American history, when thousands of people were losing their jobs and the stock market was crashing and there was so much suffering in the world . . . I was renovating my kitchen.
It just felt . . . wrong to me . . . for ME. Like . . . who did I think I was, renovating my kitchen right now? Existential crisis ensued. (In the midst of making all those design choices I was heading off for that equally existential-crisis-y trip to England.) (March was a very tough month for me, emotionally.)
Tom kept reassuring me and telling me to “have fun with it.” My friends (those who even knew I was doing this kitchen renovation; I kept it pretty close to the vest) were also encouraging and reminded me that I “might as well have a nice kitchen during these dark times.”
And so . . . the project moved forward. Despite my struggles with frugality and identity and unworthiness.
And now it’s done! And I really do love it. That eyesore of a clutter-collecting desk magically became a beautiful and functional hutch. They blew the doors off the little butler’s pantry for me — and turned it into part of the kitchen. And everything looks fresh and new.
It turned out to be worth every bit of the hassle. And it forced me to deal with my feelings of guilt and unworthiness. Now, whenever I work in – or just walk through – my new kitchen, I only feel . . . JOY. It’s light and spacious and makes me feel . . . settled. I have no regrets.
And right now?
That’s a gift.
Oh, Kym! It is freaking gorgeous!!! Just stunningly beautiful!! (and I am having all kinds of window envy right now looking at your Over The Sink Window and your Sliding Glass Door!) Thank you for sharing your most amazing and incredibly beautiful new and improved kitchen! (and way to keep a local crew busy in these what I am sure are very lean days!!)
First of all, it looks fabulous and functional and I hope you enjoy it for many years to come! Second, I totally understand that guilt. Given the state of the world, it can feel like a silly thing to spend money on. BUT — keep in mind you were employing people to do the work, and I’m sure they appreciated that. And it’s not like you took money away from, say, feeding your children to do this work. You are not like those super-rich, super-selfish men spending money on flying to space instead of helping to solve some of the world’s problems. You have my permission (as if you really need it, ha!) to let go of the guilt and just enjoy that gorgeous kitchen.
So beautiful! It must be a joy to cook in your kitchen. I love all the light you have and everything just looks perfect!! I really like your backsplash too.
Before was nice but after is gorgeous! I get the feeling of guilt and “we don’t really need this” but chances are you’ll be living in your house for quite a few years and you should enjoy a bright, lovely, functional kitchen. It’s beautiful! (And like Kat, I have window envy!)
Love the kitchen AND the view out to your garden. Well done. You are worthy.
Oh Kym, it’s beautiful! And you will enjoy it every single day. I very much relate to your hesitancy, but I’m so glad you now have this beautiful kitchen to enjoy and use.
Kym, I am having the same problem, right now! Since my husband died, I have been trying to update the house with an eye on aging in place, but I feel so guilty! I know intellectually that it is perfectly acceptable to spend money in ways that make me happy, and refinishing all the floors made me very happy. My contractor and I have talked about what I wish to do next, but I am from a family that had just enough and was very frugal, and like you, I tend to ignore what is perfectly FINE. (We won’t talk about the bungie cords – LOL.) I have a kitchen that has cherry cabinets, and I would love to paint them and replace the countertops in order to brighten up the space. I absolutely love your kitchen. You made all the right choices, and it’s really lovely, calm and has a peaceful vibe. I am working on my guilt, and your post has helped me think about moving forward.
Your kitchen is so light and bright and looks easy to move around in. Taking the step now will give you a chance to enjoy the fresh new kitchen is a gift to yourself. I love the coffee bar area and the extra storage must be very nice, too. Enjoy! Have fun and delight in the newness.
It turned out beautifully … I hope the joy NEVER wears off!!
I have window envy too! And never will I get it as the layout of this otherwise delightful group of condos (spacious, beautifully-landscaped, ground-floor level for our aging joints), simply has no way to reconfigure the kitchen. So thank your lucky stars and Enjoy!!!
Oh wow. It’s perfection! May many happy meals happen within those walls!
We use our kitchens every day. It’s a great choice to invest in that space and make sure it’s both beautiful and useful – which you have done wonderfully!
It’s beautiful!
Beautiful. Enjoy and cook and smile. There has to be a place to put it all aside. I’m very happy for you.
I so understand the guilt. The kitchen looks fresh and bright and beautiful. As Sarah wrote, you employed people to do some or all of the work so they had jobs. I love the white cabinets and all the light. We do spend many hours in the kitchen preparing meals and snacks and just generally hanging out with friends and family. You have a room to enjoy for many years to come.