I have written here, off and on, about my struggles with letting myself just . . . go . . . in terms of being an “artist.” I decided, earlier this year, to try to work through some of my personal demons and issues around that whole . . . thing.

So last spring, I pulled out a charming little art journal I had just sitting on my desk. Blank and intimidating and . . . oh-so-inviting (if I could just buy into the fact that it was). And I made the Big Decision to just allow myself to open it. To Just Play Around. Like every day. Or at least . . . on the regular. (I do hate being hemmed in by “every day” anything.)

It was hard for me to just open it and get started, so I set myself up with some . . . well, I hate to call them goals . . . but they were kind of . . . goals. Actually, it was probably closer to giving myself . . . Permissions.

I gave myself permission to mix mediums. Yes. The paper in my journal was (crappy) watercolor paper, but I didn’t need to limit myself to watercolor. I gave myself permission to use any of the art supplies in my stash that appealed to me. I gave myself permission to practice my hand writing in imperfect ways. I gave myself permission to incorporate quotes and poems I liked. I gave myself permission to soften into whimsy.

It was hard at first, and if you look at the earliest pages, they’re rather . . . expected. A little bit reserved. Not at all bold.

But as the summer went on, I really loosened up. I tried a lot of different things . . . collage and stencils and stamps and doodles – and, yes, watercolor. I practiced my free hand printing. Some of my pages (they’re called “spreads” in the art journaling world) didn’t work at all, which encouraged me to work at them until they did. And some of my pages? I liked them. I was actually pleased with the way they turned out.

Things definitely got bolder as I moved toward filling the journal. (And I did fill the entire journal.)

Best of all? I had fun. And I discovered that I could actually escape . . . into my own art. I looked forward to it. I found myself coming up with new ideas for “spreads” in the middle of the night. I allowed myself to work in the journal whenever I felt like it — even early in the morning (a time usually reserved for household tasks and working out).

This new art journaling practice . . . changed the way I think about making art. It gave me confidence to try new ideas . . . on my own and without feeling like I needed to focus on technique or paint like anyone else. I am more inclined to look at something now and figure out what it needs. And to let that things relax in my old quest for “perfection.” And it gave me a new tool in my toolbox . . . for escaping from Real Life. At least for a little while. (And that is worth the price of admission these days.)

I had hoped to be able to figure out how to make one of those flip-through videos to show you just what’s inside my art journal — and so you could see my progression, from cautious to bold — but my attempts at making a video worth sharing have been feeble, at best.

So. I took photos of some of my favorite pages (spreads) and shared them in my Field Notes. You can take a peek inside by clicking here.

(And now you know why my knitting has taken a turn for the slow. Because I’m playing with my art journal instead.)

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How about you? What are you working on these days?